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Being open about bisexuality can sometimes lead people to make sexual assumptions that were never invited.
Someone may immediately ask about threesomes, treat your orientation as entertainment, assume you are available to couples, expect intimate details about your attractions or experiences, or act as though bisexuality tells them what you are willing to do.
This can happen while dating, in friendships, online, in LGBTQ+ spaces, or even during an ordinary conversation after someone learns that you are bisexual.
Curiosity is not automatically disrespectful.
Someone may ask an awkward question because bisexuality is unfamiliar to them and respond appropriately when corrected.
The more important question is what happens after you indicate that something is private, uncomfortable, or based on a stereotype.
A respectful person can accept that bisexuality does not reveal your sexual interests, relationship preferences, availability, boundaries, or willingness to discuss intimate subjects.
They should also be able to hear a boundary without treating it as an invitation to negotiate.
You might choose to say:
“Being bisexual doesn’t mean I’m interested in that.”
“I don’t discuss private sexual details.”
“That assumption makes me uncomfortable.”
“My orientation isn’t an invitation.”
or simply:
“Please stop asking me about that.”
You do not have to educate every person before your boundary deserves to be respected.
You are also allowed to end the conversation, stop replying, block someone online, leave a situation, or create distance when someone continues after being asked to stop.
Fetishisation can sometimes be harder to recognise when it initially appears flattering.
Someone may seem unusually enthusiastic about your bisexuality, praise you for being “open-minded,” or say that your orientation makes you more exciting.
The problem is not that someone finds you attractive.
It becomes objectifying when their interest depends more on a fantasy about bisexuality than on listening to who you actually are.
Their reaction to your boundaries can reveal a great deal.
Someone who was simply curious may apologise and adjust.
Someone who was mainly interested in the fantasy may become disappointed, keep pushing, sexualise the conversation again, or lose interest when you do not match their assumptions.
Have you experienced someone fetishising your bisexuality?
What helped you recognise that the conversation had crossed from curiosity or attraction into objectification?
What response or boundary helped you feel more in control?
And did the way the other person responded to your boundary change how you understood their original interest?
Please avoid requesting explicit details from other members or treating bisexuality as evidence of particular sexual interests, relationship preferences, or availability.